Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Force Your Cat to Love You

How to encourage force your cat to love you in ten simple steps:

  1. Get the cat when it is a small kitten. It works best if the kitten was previously abandoned and possibly starving. 
  2. Feed the cat. 
  3. Let the kitten scratch the shit out of you. 
  4. Repeat steps 2 & 3 for the first year of the kittens life. 
  5. Force cuddle the kitty any chance you get. 
  6. Pretend you don't care if the kitty cuddles with you. Reverse psychology works great with kittens/cats.
  7. Bribe your kitty to cuddle with you by giving him or her treats. 
  8. Buy a leash and a harness for your kitty. Attempt to take your kitty on a walk. After you find out that cats actually hate that shit, rescue the cat from the harness and cuddle it. 
  9. Buy cute outfits for your kitty and attempt to dress it; cats hate that and once you figure that out, you will never do that again. The cat will love you for this. 
  10. Let the cat do whatever the hell it wants to do.
Best of luck in your journey to forcing helping your cat love you.

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